


i reach for your hand, and i belong

by Narci



Series: See the Forest, Not Just the Trees [10]
Category: Mo Dao Zu Shi, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
Genre: AT ALL TIMES, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, BAMF!Sizhui, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Cloud Recesses, Cute Sizhui, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Night Hunt, Wei Wuxian needs a babysitter, Wwx protection squad, flute twirling, injuries, no... two babysitters, sizhui is Best Boi, wangxian but it's mild, wangxian's rabbit collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26750377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narci/pseuds/Narci
Summary: Sizhui can’t say that he remembers everything from his time spent in the Burial Mounds. He actually remembers very little. Just snippets of family, warmth, and laughing through an obviously hard time. He sometimes wakes up chasing after fragmented memories containing Wen Ning and Senior Wei playing with him; one much more panicked than the other. Those mornings are when he wishes for those times back the most, but then he’s back to his senses before he leaves his bed.That time spent in Yiling was almost unbearable for everyone but Sizhui. In fact, Sizhui is literally the only one who even survived them.Sizhui is happy now, with Senior Wei and HanGuang-Jun. With Wen Ning and the other juniors. They’re enough for Sizhui.-/-character study of wwx by lsz
Relationships: Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī & Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn
Series: See the Forest, Not Just the Trees [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915600
Comments: 14
Kudos: 248





	1. chasing the Dark from the Night

Sizhui is, by birth, a Wen; however, by name and spirit, he is a Lan. (and maybe a little bit of a Wei, but basically no one acknowledges Sizhui’s rarely seen mischievous side) Therefore, he follows the rules of the Cloud Recesses when they apply and tosses them away when he believes they’re impossible to uphold without changing who he is on the inside. 

He knows that both of his parents are proud of him. HanGuang-Jun smiles every time Sizhui steps neatly around a rule in order to protect Wei Wuxian, and Senior Wei gets this little look of pleasant nostalgia whenever Sizhui gently reminds him to not throw children even if it’s in the name of fun and then encourages their night hunting group to be even slightly more restrained. (and this exact scenario _has_ played out more than once, thanks for asking.)

Sizhui aims to make his parents more than proud of him, he wants them to see him as the capable young cultivator he is. He wants HanGuang-Jun to pull him into Discussion Conferences, and Senior Wei to let Sizhui protect him when he is unable to protect himself.

He has a long road ahead, Sizhui thinks while plucking his guqin’s strings with nonchalant bemusement. 

-/-

When HanGuang-Jun lets him play host for the very next Discussion Conference held in Gusu, and Zewu-Jun doesn’t protest, it comes as a surprise (to literally no one but Sizhui). Still, Lan Sizhui thinks with an enervated sigh, protecting Wei Wuxian will be so much harder. 

-/-

“Senior Wei,” Lan Sizhui begins carefully while staring up at the older cultivator.

“Yes, A-Yuan?” Wei Wuxian doesn’t let his currently precarious position stop him from sounding totally collected when he responds. Sizhui watches as the man pulls a particularly stubborn leaf from his almost unrecognizable ponytail. The whole process reminds Sizhui of the times Wen Ning would work on un-hiding himself after a particularly long journey following after Wei Wuxian. Sizhui doesn’t laugh, but he does struggle to restrain the wide grin trying to squirm onto his lips.

“What are you doing?” Lan Sizhui is very observant, and one of the best at drawing the correct conclusion from whatever facts are presented before him. Still, he pretends not to know exactly what caused Senior Wei to climb up the pathetically short tree at a breakneck speed. Part of protecting Senior Wei is allowing the man to cover for his ridiculously obvious fear of dogs.

Wei Wuxian jumps down from the straining tree branch and barely tries straightening his robes before giving up, “Well, as you know, A-Yuan, a cultivator is always on duty. While I was walking past this tree, I noticed a demonic aura surrounding its branches, and I couldn’t just _not_ investigate. You caught me when I was just finishing up.”

“Oh, of course! Senior Wei, I applaud your dedication to information gathering,” Sizhui’s not even really lying. He very much respects Senior Wei’s methods, but he’s also just going with it because he knows the older cultivator will stick to the cover story no matter what now that it’s been said. 

Once Wei Wuxian decides to say something unbelievably incorrect to cover for some embarrassing thing he’s done, he will never admit that it’s a lie. That’s definitely one of the things Sizhui not-so-secretly loves about the younger of his fathers. 

-/-

“Sizhui?” Sizhui freezes at HanGuang-Jun’s call.

“Yes, Father?”

“Be safe.” Sizhui nods at his father’s unspoken request. 

HanGuang-Jun isn’t very talkative, Sizhui knows this from his entire childhood experience, but he cares more than anyone else, one just has to be able to see beyond the taciturn nature and jade-like expression. 

Sizhui’s has a lot of practice deciphering his father’s meaning from whatever three word phrase he decides to use, and this one’s particularly easy.

_‘Keep Wei Ying safe, and he’ll keep you safe. Be careful because he’s never careful enough.’_

-/-

Night hunts are inherently dangerous, but Sizhui always feels safe when accompanied by Senior Wei or (much more infrequently) HanGuang-Jun. There’s something comforting about knowing Sizhui has someone ready to support him, ready to help him at a moments’ notice.

However, when night hunts end like this one, he gulps air through his straining throat as he pushes down on the wound in Wei Wuxian’s chest, Lan Sizhui hates that attitude with all his being. Because if Sizhui had just been better, less dependent on Senior Wei, then his father wouldn’t be put into this position. Teetering the line that separates consciousness and a sleep he may never wake from.

Lan Sizhui is one of the best cultivators of his generation and number one on ‘The List of Young Masters’, and he’s still too weak to protect Wei Wuxian. Too weak to protect even himself. If Senior Wei hadn’t intercepted the charged attack of the demonic boar spirit, Sizhui would probably be in even more dire straits than his father. 

All Sizhui can do now is push down harder and try to keep Senior Wei talking while they wait for HanGuang-Jun to see, and respond to, the flare they managed to send up right before Wei Wuxian collapsed. He doesn’t even have enough extra Qi to help Senior Wei start healing.

Tonight, he’s failed both his parents in one fell swoop.

“Aiya, A-Yuan?” Senior Wei chokes out, shocking Sizhui’s thoughts completely out of mind. _He hadn’t even realized he’d stopped talking._ Sizhui looks up at his father with tears running down his face. Wei Wuxian wipes them away with a bloodied hand and then pats his head, “You’re a good boy, ah?”

When HanGuang-Jun finally shows up, Wei Wuxian’s eyes are firmly closed, his hands fallen onto the stained grass, and Sizhui’s sobbing into a now more red than black robe. 

-/-

Wei Wuxian opens his eyes to see the Jingshi’s ceiling and laughs twice, extremely lightly. He’s escaped death yet again. When Sizhui slams into the bedroom followed by a less rushed but equally invested Lan Zhan, he doesn’t let what’s building behind his eyes fall. Sizhui is crying enough for the both of them.

“Has someone died, Husband? Why else would our extremely cute son burst into tears as soon as he sees me?” 

Lan Zhan’s eyes are also noticeably shiny at this point, but he just grabs Wei Wuxian’s hand and holds it to his chest silently. 

Neither Lan responds to his awful question, but all three know the answer.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will have a second chapter! sizhui will get more time! i just have to split it up to make the other parts fit better in my mind. 
> 
> anyway, i hope y'all like this!


	2. see through his eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sizhui sighs while gently smoothing the fluff on Senior Wei’s favorite rabbit (it’s also, coincidentally, the only rabbit that allows Senior Wei within five feet of it). He’ll just have to wait and see. If he has a chance, he’ll protect his younger father with all he’s got, and if he doesn’t, he’ll just have to make do with Zizhen and Jin Ling’s exaggerated tales.
> 
> -/-
> 
> ...sizhui just wants to show off how filial he is, but he never seems to get a chance!

Sizhui is a good person. At least, that's what everyone keeps telling him. He’s also a loyal friend and a filial child. When he hears retellings of Zizhen’s speech at the only Discussion Conference Sizhui has missed since Senior Wei was revived, he’s a bit sad he missed it, but that doesn’t stop him from being proud of his fellow Junior. When he listens to Jin Ling’s complaints about Senior Wei’s inability to defend himself, he sighs carefully and agrees in his heart while outwardly defending his father and praising his friend. He doesn’t need to hear about Jingyi’s exploits because he was there for the whole thing. 

All in all, he’s happy Senior Wei has such a vocal support group. He’s also happy that the Juniors care for his father so much. However, on the inside, he is so very disappointed that he has yet to have the opportunity to dramatically defend Senior Wei. Sizhui doesn’t tell people about the inner desire to have his own ‘I protected Wei Wuxian by doing this-’ because, well, if he does, that’ll mean admitting to others that he sort of wishes his father would be put in a position where he would need a fierce defense. Admitting that would mean he wasn’t really _that_ good of a person. 

...and Sizhui likes it a lot when people compliment him on his sincerity and righteousness. It makes him feel closer to his fathers. So, obviously, sharing his thoughts is not an option. 

Sizhui sighs while gently smoothing the fluff on Senior Wei’s favorite rabbit (it’s also, coincidentally, the only rabbit that allows Senior Wei within five feet of it). He’ll just have to wait and see. If he has a chance, he’ll protect his younger father with all he’s got, and if he doesn’t, he’ll just have to make do with Zizhen and Jin Ling’s exaggerated tales.

-/-

Sizhui struggles to maintain composure as he listens to Senior Wei recount tales from the period during and after the Sunshot Campaign. His father is fond of the one where he continued fighting even with half his intestines hanging out. Sizhui is less enthused about that particular one, but he isn’t going to ruin Senior Wei’s fun. 

“Aiyah, I used to be so strong! Mo Xuanyu is too weak, ah.” Sizhui can tell that he meant it as a joke, but he can also hear the genuine disappointment in his senior’s words. If Hanguang-Jun were here, he would most certainly comfort his husband with soft looks and gentle agreement about how powerful he used to be, but how he is much happier now isn’t he? And so on.

Sizhui takes a page from the Chief Cultivator’s books, “But Senior Wei, isn’t it fun to go on night hunts with us disciples? Certainly, Mo Xuanyu’s less experienced body and lower cultivation isn’t too bad.” 

He does his best to not mention the fact that Mo Xuanyu’s body has the ability to develop a golden core while Senior Wei’s original body no longer does. (and it’s also been ripped apart by his demonic cultivation’s backlash) Senior Wei seems to hear the unspoken words and smiles softly, “I suppose… It is nice to be able to ride Suibian again.” 

And Sizhui’s going to count one that as a win. He’s getting the hang of this. Hanguang-Jun is an excellent teacher.

-/-

“I don’t understand how he’s so good at this…!” Jingyi furiously whispers as he tries to twirl a mock flute around his fingers. Zizhen watches him with a smile before giggling and grabbing the cheap knock off ChenQing from the festival’s main gravel road.

“It’s because he’s Senior Wei,” Sizhui smartly adds as Jingyi starts up again, “and he’s practiced it for twenty years.”

Jingyi squawks as the flute falls once more, this time onto his left foot. “You know,” he says, “sometimes, I forget that Senior Wei is actually a renowned young master of the Jiang Clan. He’s just such a kid, you know?”

Sizhui can’t really disagree, but his friend isn’t entirely correct. Because, as much as Senior Wei is a mischievous three year old at heart, he also frequently shows off his experienced war hero side---especially around the Juniors. Jingyi just isn’t the most observant. (he hasn’t even noticed Zizhen’s entirely obvious crush, yet)

Instead, he laughs politely and shows Jingyi how to properly twirl the dizi they picked up three stalls back. Senior Wei will be proud of him for passing on the skill. 

Zizhen cheers when Jingyi finally gets it, and they both blush. Sizhui just shakes his head in fond amusement. He’ll give them two more months to get together on their own, and then he’ll step in.

...Jin Ling may not be able to wait that long. Good thing it’s just the three of them this time.

-/-

Sizhui wants to protect Senior Wei. He wants to learn from him; he wants to learn about him. But, most of all, Sizhui wants to understand his father. He wants to know why Senior Wei refuses to stand up for himself; he wants to know more than what Jin Ling has told him. Sizhui wants to look into his father’s eyes and understand why he chooses to take responsibility for others any time he can, even when he clearly doesn’t have to, when he clearly isn’t really responsible. 

It frustrates Sizhui to know that Senior Wei is sad sometimes, but to not know why or how to fix it. 

Senior Wei has already suffered more than his fair share, Sizhui just wants to prevent his burden from growing.

-/-

“Sizhui, A-yuan, my son, what happened to your robes?” Senior Wei doesn’t seem disappointed or even especially concerned when he sees Sizhui’s dirty clothes, but he does sound genuinely amused at the prospect of Sizhui possibly conducting himself in an un-Lan manner. 

Sizhui glances to the side and thinks somewhere in the back of his head that it’s a good thing he’s had to cover for Jingyi all those times; he has experience obfuscating now because of his antics. With a soft sigh, he pulls at his sleeves and smiles at his father, “One of the bunnies escaped, and I had to free it from the brambles.”

“Was it Xiao Ji?” Sizhui nods in dishonest agreement. Senior Wei grins, “Of course it was! Aiyah, he was named after the wrong parent! Xiao Xian would never do such a thing.”

Sizhui feels warmth bubble up deep inside him at his father’s fond words. As much as Wei Wuxian threatens to cook the bunnies whenever he feels even slightly offended by their clearly favoritism towards his husband and son, he loves them. 

Sizhui chose the right excuse. This way, Senior Wei will not question his disheveled appearance further and Sizhui won’t have to come clean about what really happened. 

Senior Wei will never have to know that the Lan Clan is temporarily down a few elders, and that Lan Xichen is desperately reining the others in before they dare suggest that Sizhui be taken out of the line of succession. After all, despite Sizhui’s blood, he is the most fit to lead the Lan Sect after Lan Xichen steps down. A few somewhat violent spats with the elders over the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation isn’t going to change that.

“--Xiao Xian is an enabler though. I bet Xiao Ji wouldn’t break out nearly as often without his partner in crime!” Senior Wei continues, breaking Sizhui from his self satisfied daze. Sizhui nods seriously as he adds on to his father’s rant about the most troublesome of their rabbits.

-/-

“You fought the elders?!” Jingyi squeaks. Jin Ling is turning a bit purple as he stares at the most mature of their group (also the most dangerous, apparently?????). 

“Only three,” Sizhui smugly replies (no one else would say he looks smug, but he knows himself better than that). 

Jingyi falls backwards onto the second smallest of their group, “Zizhen, write this down! Today, Lan Yuan, Lan Sizhui, has bested all of us. He is now the true leader of the Wei Wuxian Protection Squad!”

The other three Juniors politely forget to tell him that Sizhui has always been their leader. 

Zizhen records the date anyway.

fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop. this one took..... a while. i'm so sorry for the long wait, but i ran out of adderall like two weeks ago and only just got a refill, so focusing was not something i was capable of!
> 
> hahahahah... with lsz's second half done, that leaves wn #2, lwj #2, and the final part!  
> duh, duh, duuuuuuuuhhhhhh!  
> we're so close (i'm so close..!) i'm hoping for this to be done by nov, but i have no idea how long the last bit will take, so idk??? anyway, i hope y'all liked this chapter, and i thank you deeply for putting up with my executive disfunction!
> 
> xoxo


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